In a stunning move, Brian Sabean and the Giants have hired long shot presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton as a Special Advisor to the team. Following up on Sabean’s outrageous claims last week that the Giants can compete and win this year, Sabean stated at his hastily assembled press conference, “We here in San Francisco have a long history of self-delusion and abject stubbornness. We stood by our Joe Nathan and Franky Liariano trade for Pierzynski. We stood by and watched as Barry’s head grew until he resembled Mr. Potato Head and swore that nothing strange was going on. We feel Hillary Clinton’s complete lack of touch with reality will fit in perfectly with our clubhouse makeup and we look forward to seeing what she will bring to the table.”
On a conference call from Nova Scotia, where Clinton is campaigning in an effort to have it annexed to the US so they can seat one-half of a Super Delegate, Clinton announced her support for Sabean’s overall plan for rebuilding the Giants. “Just like [Sabean], I have a very strong commitment to refusing to admit mistakes and doing irrevocable harm to something I supposedly support. I am proud to be a member of this storied franchise and, God willing, vow to solemnly run it directly into the ground.”
It was unclear what Clinton’s exact role with the team would be or when she would begin her tenure but Clinton hinted that she would likely join the team after she has eventually given up on her hopeless quest of the presidency, so likely by mid-2011. She also alluded to possibly using her husband, former President Bill Clinton as a hitting coach. “Can’t be any worse than whoever they have in there at the moment,” Clinton was quoted as saying.